It is the often been said that we have one mouth and two ears!  Therefore  we should use them in that proportion. What do we mean by that? The key is  when our partner is talking we need to  listen attentively! Listen more than we SPEAK . Not only do we listen by using our ears, but we listen through observation- observation of  our partner’s body language. Its not what they say-It is how they say it.

 Ask yourselve the following questions:

Why does my partner look so tense? 

Is there something on their mind  which they are finding difficult to talk about?

How can I support them?

How can we attack the problem and not the people? (if it is a people problem)

 Gently through discerning questions we can encourage our partner to talk about the issue/s  they are concerned about, In order to find out why they are displaying the body language  and maybe the tone of voice they are using.

 In order to become effective in communication skills we need to take time to get to know our partner. How can we do that? Well often at the beginning of a relationship important issues can be clouded by the strong physical part of the relationship. After a period of time when that physical side starts to ebb a bit we  may find that we that we have very little knowledge of our partner.

Therefore it is imperative that we take time to get to know the person at the very start of the relationship. and If you think to yourself ” I really don know my partner that well” then you have take time to do so.  And do it NOW !

Get to know  their likes and dislikes, how they react to situations, how do they deal with problems? a how do they treat other people? The benefit of this  is  it will  help you to show empathy, by trying to put yourselve in their position and thinking about the way you would deal with the problems they are facing.  This way you can  support them  in a positive manner, so that they are able to deal with the issues they are having to deal with.

How to apply this strategy:

• TURN OFF THE T.V . SPEND TIME   communicating together.Try it for just 15-20 minutes a day and you will see a mssive result in your relatiuonship. 
• And when I say communicating- I mean talking  less and listening more, but  not just listening just to find the answer but listening pro actively to see and hear what is being said. 

Think about this for a minute, what requires the most effort, knocking down a wall or building one? Well it may seem obvious, it’s easier to swing a hammer at a wall and knock it down, but it requires real skill to build one up.

The same is true with a marriage; it can be a lot easier to break it down than to build it to strong durable relationship. How then do you build a strong relationship? Well think back to your wedding day and the dress the bride wore. Maybe from a distance the dress seemed fairly plain, however get closer have a look and what do you notice? You can see the intricate design and detail and real beauty of the dress.

What is the point? It is the small things that make the difference!

It’s been said “fail to plan-plan to fail”. In other words if you don’t sit down together and work out exactly what you both want to achieve  prior to making a commitment or a decision on important issues then you will inevitably not be as successful as if you had planned it. Think about this, if you were going to start a business what steps would you take in order for it to be successful?

• Get as much information as possible
• Sit down discuss, weigh up the for’s and against
• Talk to an adviser/mentor to get a second opinion.

How to apply this strategy:

1.  Make a time together when you will not be disturbed (turn of the phone, fax, and computer etc- better still go out for the day).
2. Prior to getting together write down important issues for planning and discussion.
3. Get as much information to help you make the decision.
4. Discuss and plan.
5. Make notes of goals and steps to reach those goals
6. Put those were you both can see (Fridge Door etc)
7. Work together to reach your goals